Saying yes to life again

Today I did a photoshoot with my son. And I know that probably doesn’t sound like a particularly big deal, but for me it was. It was completely unlike anything I’ve ever done before and exactly the kind of thing I could quite easily have talked myself out of doing.

Part of why I wanted to do it was because I’m becoming increasingly aware of how quickly this stage of life with my son is passing. There are parts of our relationship right now that I know won’t last forever, including breastfeeding, which has been one of the most special parts of motherhood for me. I wanted to capture us as we are now, while we’re still here, and have something that will always belong to this little period of our lives.

Still, when the day actually came, my brain seemed determined to give me reasons not to do it.

I woke up with a blemish on my face, because of course I did. My hair wasn’t quite right, my son was teething and then the photographer was running behind. I could feel myself adding each thing to the list of reasons why maybe today wasn’t the day. At one point everything in my head was telling me to just get up, make an excuse and leave.

But I didn’t.

We did it, and we had fun. I got to watch my son enjoy himself, we experienced something completely new together and now I have these beautiful memories of us that I’ll be able to cherish forever.

It made me think about how easily I could have missed that simply because it meant stepping out of my comfort zone. And it has made me wonder how many things I’ve talked myself out of before they’ve even had the chance to become a good memory.

I think when life has been difficult for a long time, your comfort zone can become very small without you noticing. You stick with what you know because what you know feels manageable. New things require energy, confidence, money, time or sometimes just the willingness to risk feeling a bit stupid for a while.

Eventually, though, staying comfortable can start to feel a lot like standing still.

Today reminded me that getting out of your comfort zone doesn’t have to mean doing something huge or terrifying. Sometimes it’s just doing something you wouldn’t normally do and allowing yourself to enjoy it without needing it to lead anywhere.

And afterwards, I realised I wanted to do it again. Not just another photoshoot, although I actually would, but more things that I might normally talk myself out of before I’ve even given myself the chance to enjoy them.

I know not everything will turn out to be something I love. There will probably be things I try once and never want to do again. There will still be days when there are genuine reasons to say no. But I don’t want to keep saying no simply because yes feels unfamiliar. I want to stop letting discomfort make quite so many decisions for me.

Today I could have gone home.

I’m really glad I stayed.